It started a few weeks ago when I noticed that Buffy, my oldest and first ever family dog, was becoming increasingly thin. Buffy was a small English Cocker Spaniel that I've had for 14 years and who was growing increasingly old the more each day went on. My siblings and I all knew that it was only a matter of time before she got really sick and we'd have to deal with the inevitable. Knowing she was pushing the max age for Spaniels (12-15 years old) I was preparing for the worst while dealing with my own personal growing pains and two nights ago the worst knocked on my door.
I came home and found Buffy laying under the pool table in the backyard and something told me to check on her. I got closer and saw that she had a fluid leaking from her snout or mouth area and I instantly called my partner in a panic before he agreed to meet me at the house ASAP. We thought it might have been a reaction from the warm weather and so I gently wet her neck and placed a cold towel on her head but she was unresponsive. When my partner arrived me took her into my room and saw she was barely awake. We then took her to his mom's house to clean her up and decided that she if it was her last night then we'd make it as comfortable as possible for her so that she can go easy. She hardly moved while we washed her and thought it would be best to bring her back to my place to be around familiar surroundings. The entire time I was broken inside and out. Like I said, she was my first puppy and she had been with us through everything and the thought of losing her was a notion I knew was inevitable but still incredibly painful.
I stayed up with her the entire night from Thursday to Friday and tended to her every need. Every time she slipped off her bed in a weak attempt to get up I picked her up in my arms and placed her back on the sheets. When she got sick I cleaned her up and during her dizzy spells I calmed her down with my touch to let her know she wasn't alone. At around 8AM Friday morning the both of us were able to finally get about an hour of solid sleep.
Prior to this I was told that my brother would be taking her to the vet to be put down and during my sleepless night I wondered if it was something I would be able to be present for. It wasn't up until I loaded her into the backseat of my car that I decided to go with him and his girlfriend to the vet.
The first location we tried wouldn't have an opening until today and the other places we called all said they wouldn't be able to accommodate us. I then remembered of a place where we took one of Buffy's puppies years earlier when she was sick and had to be put down so we tried them and they were able to see us in 30 minutes. We all sighed in relief and drove down with Buffy bundled up in my brothers lap.
The vet nurse was able to get us in pretty quickly and while we filled out the paperwork needed they took our pup to the back to check her out and prepare her for the shot. The nurse came back out with Buffy in a blanket and laid her on the table.
"Take as long as you need and just knock on the door when you're ready to have the doctor come in," She said before leaving the room.
My brother and I surrounded our sick friend and ran our fingers through her hair and over her thin, fragile frame. Buffy made no noise whatsoever and we let her know how strong she was for fighting for so long when her body was telling her to give up. I leaned down close to her dry nose and whispered a promise to her.
"I promise that everything will be taken care of," I whispered. "I promise your puppy Squirt and brother Petey (my chihuahua she grew up with) would be taken care of as best to our ability."
Buffy only blinked.
"I promise that it's okay to go now. The house is okay and you've given us all all the love you possibly could. You don't have to hold on anymore and can sleep in peace." My words were cut periodically by a loss of breath as tears rolled down my and my brothers face and with one last kiss on the head I knocked on the door.
The doctor came in and explained what was going to happen and then began to the process with our consent. My brother held his hand on Buffy's side and I fondled her neck while the pink medication was slowly being pushed into her IV. I couldn't do anything except kneel down and cry by her head on the table and watch her side rise and fall, slower and slower, until it completely stopped. The doctor left the room and said we could stay as long as we'd like so we did.
We pet Buffy one last time and nuzzled the top of her head while recalling memories we had of her growing up. We found ourselves laughing and smiling again and received the closure we and our friend needed. When it was all over they took her to the back for cremation and we made our way home to tell the rest of the family who were all waiting with bated breaths. Some of the details were too hard to hear but everyone felt a happy easiness knowing Buffy wasn't suffering in her old age anymore. Everyone went on with their day and I went to work but there was an ore of quiet sadness that filled our hearts and our home and even today, one day after allowing our old buddy to rest in peace, I can't help but feel like a part of me is missing. Maybe it's the piece of my heart that Buffy took with her.
I have one photo of her as she was laying in my room sleeping that no one has seen. I don't think it's the time to show anyone and honestly I don't think it'll ever be that time but it's the only photo I have of her immediately at hand and I can't bare to see it or her disappear.
So this is how I remember her: Young and full of curiosity.
Good night, little girl!
R,I.P.
Buffy
2001 - 2015
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